Utah is the land of entrepreneurs — from cookie empires to Silicon Slopes. We asked ChatGPT to roast some of our state’s most predominant industries.
🥤 Soda
“Utah’s dirty sodas are the culinary equivalent of a midlife crisis — over-the-top and full of regret. It’s basically like the state collectively decided that what’s missing from their lives isn’t clean air or balance — it's a 44-ounce monstrosity with coconut cream and a cherry on top.”
🧸 Blankets
“Utah’s obsession with overpriced blankets is honestly unhinged. Minky Couture and Lola Blankets are out here fighting like rival mob families. ‘Best blankets ever!’ ‘No, our blankets are the best!’ Calm down, it’s just a glorified Build-A-Bear carcass.”
💻 Silicon Slopes
“If you love tech jobs where ‘unlimited PTO’ actually means ‘we guilt-trip you for taking a single day off,’ Utah’s got you covered. The industry is dominated by tech bros in flip flops who think wearing Patagonia jackets and using the word ‘synergy’ in every sentence makes them innovative.”
🍪 Cookies
“Crumbl’s business model is based on the idea that if you throw enough butter and sugar at something, people will pay $5 for a cookie that could double as a doorstop. How did they manage to create a cookie that’s both dry and greasy at the same time?”
👎 Sundance in Boulder
“Sundance Film Festival is moving to Boulder, huh? That’s adorable. Half the population still believes cinema is synonymous with documentaries about veganism and solar-powered bicycles. Let’s not forget its ‘mountain scene.’ Utah’s got jaw-dropping, snow-dusted peaks, while Boulder’s like, 'We have hills … kind of?' Good luck with that, Sundance.”
